I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
