Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
