where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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