so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
