Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
