Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
