I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
