I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She bit a glass in half.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
