Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this beer tastes like vomit already
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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