I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
