can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize