I murdered the dance floor call the cops
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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