Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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