Umm I'm too high to move.
Is it because I queefed?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
