the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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