I bet he comes in French.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
