Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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