Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
