whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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