I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
