I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
