Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
