This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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