i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Randomize