you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
