hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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