im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
