What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
