it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
