i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well you can't waste a boner
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
