I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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