What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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