Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
