Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
