Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
