You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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