its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
