He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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