One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Life is so much better after having sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
