So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
