Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
