my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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