I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
