why didn't you poke me back
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
