i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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