i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
