If i come over, it means nothing
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
