I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
