the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
