My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
