i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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