There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize