The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
