i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Terrible idea I love it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
