Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
