doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
