Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
