his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
