bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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