I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
