Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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