If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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