I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize