"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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