yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
