Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
