yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
