VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
