You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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