i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
